On Saturday (Feb. 19 2011), after my meeting I came over to Maxeel's place with a 12-pak of Rootbeer. The guys were downstairs playing games and hanging out. It was his 18th Birthday Party. 3-days delayed.
I can honestly say I felt completely uneasy there. I was comfortable hanging out with the guys, since I knew them well. There was Kin, and Maxeel... etc. Perhaps it was the first time being around Maxeel's family, and trying to act natural. It was somewhat... awkward. The only time I felt any sorta feeling of comfort was when Lin came. She is considered a "sister" to me and Leon [name changed for privacy sake]. There was a sense of comfort, and a small secret awkwardness being around her after seeing her for so long, but still it was stronger when we all sat around together. Everyone felt the same... a little uncomfortable, but mostly comfortable. After she left, the uneasiness I felt in Maxeel's place was lessened, but I still feel this eerie feeling with me in his basement.
Ever since I saw Maxeel's little toddler brother Ben'Ai [name changed for privacy] earlier when I had arrived, I had the strange feeling of being watched. It sent chills down from my back shoulder blades to my spine. Perhaps it was just from my uneasiness being around both Maxeel and our friends, as well as his family.
Well, I can honestly say that spending 8 hours at Maxeel's house was entertaining. I definitely know there's still much out there to experience. Much more...
Monday, February 21, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I Hate You [Maxeel]
Do you know, I hate you very much...? I hate you because I've found out I like you so much it can't even be measured by the good things it does to me, only by all the things I hate about you.
1. Your eyes. Because when you're happy or when you're talking to your friends, they're unnoticable. But when there's nothing to do, you look ready to kill, almost asking to be feared.
2. Those lips. Because whenever you speak it's always to diss someone.
3. Your friendliness. Because even though you are my friend now, behind my back or when I am gone... what are you?
4. That hair. Because if it isn't the anime-hair that I loved so much and couldn't draw, it's the damn hair that you cut so uglily.
5. That nonchalant attitude of yours. Because it makes it hard to hate you without liking you.
6. Your dumb smile. Because although it doesn't affect me like most people think it would, sometimes it's your best weapon to make me smile.
7. Your damn luck. It annoys me just how badly it can effect me and others.
8. The fact that I can't tell if you're lying or not. Because then I never know what to believe, I'll just believe in you... without letting you know.
9. Hearing how you talk and joke with others, and knowing in my head I shouldn't care. But in my heart it seems to kill me knowing how we talk to each other so differently than how you do to others.
10. That you can make me wait for a lifetime. Even if something was pointless I'll still wait and somehow or someway it'll happen. With you... it never will.
... There are so many more things that make me hate you, and it's because I like you that I hate you. There's never been a time before when my feelings were so raw and true, and it scares me to think about what I should do. So many more things that aren't there, that I can't say, cannot tell. Please tell me, tell me what I'm supposed to be doing to stop this feeling.
~June 5th 2010
1. Your eyes. Because when you're happy or when you're talking to your friends, they're unnoticable. But when there's nothing to do, you look ready to kill, almost asking to be feared.
2. Those lips. Because whenever you speak it's always to diss someone.
3. Your friendliness. Because even though you are my friend now, behind my back or when I am gone... what are you?
4. That hair. Because if it isn't the anime-hair that I loved so much and couldn't draw, it's the damn hair that you cut so uglily.
5. That nonchalant attitude of yours. Because it makes it hard to hate you without liking you.
6. Your dumb smile. Because although it doesn't affect me like most people think it would, sometimes it's your best weapon to make me smile.
7. Your damn luck. It annoys me just how badly it can effect me and others.
8. The fact that I can't tell if you're lying or not. Because then I never know what to believe, I'll just believe in you... without letting you know.
9. Hearing how you talk and joke with others, and knowing in my head I shouldn't care. But in my heart it seems to kill me knowing how we talk to each other so differently than how you do to others.
10. That you can make me wait for a lifetime. Even if something was pointless I'll still wait and somehow or someway it'll happen. With you... it never will.
... There are so many more things that make me hate you, and it's because I like you that I hate you. There's never been a time before when my feelings were so raw and true, and it scares me to think about what I should do. So many more things that aren't there, that I can't say, cannot tell. Please tell me, tell me what I'm supposed to be doing to stop this feeling.
~June 5th 2010
Saturday, February 5, 2011
With the Guys
2.5.2011
Yesterday was an amazing day. After having my 250$ check deposited, I took 40$ from it to go out with the guys. Is it strange, I wonder, being the only girl in a group of guys? People sometimes find it suspicious, but I find it almost half-normal. Still, I guess you can say to me it is killing two birds with one stone. I get to hang out with close guy friends, and at the same time be with my crush [for privacy sake I will refer to him as] "Maxeel".
We went to eat some rice-noodles at Destiny Cafe 2 that just recently opened up on Maryland Ave. across from the Cubs Foods there. It was the second time I ate there with them, but the experience was a lot more fun. Everyone seemed more comfortable and familiar with each other. Almost as though by magic the invisible barrier that usually kept us all apart had dispersed.
Afterwards, it was probably 3pm so we decided we wanted to go to the new flea market - the "Hmong Village" near Johnson Parkway. It was definitely fun there too. Mostly when we were at the arcade, I spent about 5 dollars there. It was fun. I definitely pwned [for privacy refer to him as] "Tian" at Marvel v.s. Capcom. Button-mashing all the way~ ^^ The best thing I enjoyed at the arcade there was that I got to play a shooting game with Maxeel... he's not much for driving games though. I played a driving stimulation game with [for privacy safe he is referred to as] "Kin". Kin is Maxeel's best friend, and the two are relatively different from one another physically.
Maxeel is tall and slender, while Kin is short and stubby. But they are both attractive in their own ways I think. Well all guys are cute and all girls are pretty, right?
Oh, after the Hmong Village we decided to head towards the mall for the arcade there. I challenged Maxeel to pool. He won the first game because I defaulted by accidentally getting the 8-ball to go in mid-game. That totally sucked. But I totally kicked his ass in the last game, we were both down to the 8-ball and I got it in... even though it went into a different pool-hole that I called out. XP Maxeel and I also played like two other shooting games in there, but I definitely died fast in both of them. I'm not much for shooting. But I totally pwned Kin in another driving game ^^ (but I'll admit my car was just faster than the car he chose).
After the arcade we went around the mall looking at clothes sales. Damn Maxeel and Kin made us walk so much. But I have to admit Maxeel looks great in the white hoodie that he picked out!
I'm so happy I spent the day out with the guys yesterday!!! "Levi" and "Souja" [names changed for privacy] were pretty funny and outgoing today too. I hope to get closer to Maxeel though. And this concludes my experience from yesterday.
---Kouyou---
Yesterday was an amazing day. After having my 250$ check deposited, I took 40$ from it to go out with the guys. Is it strange, I wonder, being the only girl in a group of guys? People sometimes find it suspicious, but I find it almost half-normal. Still, I guess you can say to me it is killing two birds with one stone. I get to hang out with close guy friends, and at the same time be with my crush [for privacy sake I will refer to him as] "Maxeel".
We went to eat some rice-noodles at Destiny Cafe 2 that just recently opened up on Maryland Ave. across from the Cubs Foods there. It was the second time I ate there with them, but the experience was a lot more fun. Everyone seemed more comfortable and familiar with each other. Almost as though by magic the invisible barrier that usually kept us all apart had dispersed.
Afterwards, it was probably 3pm so we decided we wanted to go to the new flea market - the "Hmong Village" near Johnson Parkway. It was definitely fun there too. Mostly when we were at the arcade, I spent about 5 dollars there. It was fun. I definitely pwned [for privacy refer to him as] "Tian" at Marvel v.s. Capcom. Button-mashing all the way~ ^^ The best thing I enjoyed at the arcade there was that I got to play a shooting game with Maxeel... he's not much for driving games though. I played a driving stimulation game with [for privacy safe he is referred to as] "Kin". Kin is Maxeel's best friend, and the two are relatively different from one another physically.
Maxeel is tall and slender, while Kin is short and stubby. But they are both attractive in their own ways I think. Well all guys are cute and all girls are pretty, right?
Oh, after the Hmong Village we decided to head towards the mall for the arcade there. I challenged Maxeel to pool. He won the first game because I defaulted by accidentally getting the 8-ball to go in mid-game. That totally sucked. But I totally kicked his ass in the last game, we were both down to the 8-ball and I got it in... even though it went into a different pool-hole that I called out. XP Maxeel and I also played like two other shooting games in there, but I definitely died fast in both of them. I'm not much for shooting. But I totally pwned Kin in another driving game ^^ (but I'll admit my car was just faster than the car he chose).
After the arcade we went around the mall looking at clothes sales. Damn Maxeel and Kin made us walk so much. But I have to admit Maxeel looks great in the white hoodie that he picked out!
I'm so happy I spent the day out with the guys yesterday!!! "Levi" and "Souja" [names changed for privacy] were pretty funny and outgoing today too. I hope to get closer to Maxeel though. And this concludes my experience from yesterday.
---Kouyou---
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